Okay. Well, my name is Ms. Amanda Willis. I go by Missy, I go by Amanda, I go by Ms. Amanda. I am a survivor of domestic violence. In addition to, I am an advocate for others that are trying to safely transition away from domestic violence.
So in 2015, it’s been 11 years. In 2015, unfortunately, I had to defend myself against my abuser using my firearm, resulting in a fatality. And so from there, it was a whirlwind of chaos, mental, emotional chaos. So I had a young daughter. My daughter was not even one year old, and I was on the run. The family followed me, assaulted me. And so here I am, life after abuse, life after being the survivor, the guilt of surviving, the challenge of surviving, having to relocate, not able to keep a steady job because my mental health is not good. The family is harassing me at work, just a whole bunch of stuff.
And so now we are in 2026. It was not until 2022. So we’re talking about the timeframe from 2015 to 2022 that I am transitioning. I am trying to figure this out. I am trying to heal. I’m trying to stay safe because I’m still getting threats from the family. I’m still trying to process what has happened to me. I’m dealing with substance abuse. I’m dealing with poor coping skills, just trying to figure life out.
So it wasn’t until 2022 that I kind of had an aha moment. And I was like, “This is bad. This whole situation is bad. This happened years ago and you were still right now traumatized.” Certain things would trigger me, trains, railroads, I would smell gunpowder. Confrontation, I would smell gunpowder. Certain things would have me literally shaken. So I’m like, “Okay, Amanda, this is bad. This is bad enough that I don’t want anybody to ever have to experience this or go through this.” And so it was kind of like, “Well, what are you going to do?”
And so then I founded the Upper Echelon Inc. And the Upper Echelon Inc. is a domestic violence organization geared towards servicing both the victims and survivors of domestic violence. Our mission is to be readily available to provide services to ensure a safe transition away from domestic violence.
And so the Upper Echelon takes pride in being readily available because I remember as I was going through this process of transitioning, I would reach out to so many different organizations and there was always a wait list or there was always not enough funding or there was always a, “We’ll put you on hold and somebody will get back with you.” And that right there created such a big service gap with me. So I can only imagine how many other people were experiencing the long lines, the wait list, the roundabout, caught this number.
The Upper Echelon takes pride in being readily available to provide services. Any inquiries, anyone who calls online with a need, whether it be immediate, whether it be needing a resource or wanting to transition and not having the funds to just get up and move, the Upper Echelon offers immediate resources.
We offer overall sustainability through our case management, through job readiness, all the things that a woman may need to transition away from a lifestyle of domestic violence. And so today is four years later, almost four years later, and I feel great. I feel great that I have been able to, in the past four years, show others step by step how you can live a life free of domestic violence experiences.
We have several workshops, events, trainings, and I advocate for healthy connections. If it is not healthy, you get away from it. You take a step back and you figure out how to either make it healthy or how to just completely dissolve it.
1. What does healing mean to you?
Healing. Healing starts with self-awareness. I was not able to heal until I was honest with myself on where I was at. Mind you, when we began talking, I told you, I sat and was like, “Amanda, this is bad.” So to be able to have that self-awareness, that is the beginning of healing because I can be honest with myself and say, “This is where I’m at. This is bad. This ain’t good. We’re going to have to do something about this.” So healing looks like being completely self-aware, being vulnerable with self, removing the feeling of shame and the feeling of embarrassment or the feeling of guilt. I survived a life-threatening domestic violence encounter and I carried so much guilt. I was just like, I didn’t want to have to shoot him. I just thought it would stop and it didn’t stop, and I took more, and it really came to a point. It was like, “Amanda, you’re not going to get out of this without defending yourself. You’ll be dead in a minute. A decision has to be made. It has to be made.” And so it was so much guilt because I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t want to have to do that. I didn’t want to have to do that at all. And it traumatized me to know that I had to do that. So to be able to heal, you have to know where you are. You have to be able to identify self in whatever pit you may be in. And then you have to figure out how to navigate that, which it sounds easy, but how do you navigate emotional distress? How do you navigate substance abuse? How do you navigate guilt from surviving? How do you navigate that? And so I voice the Upper Echelon. I get on the mountain and scream it out to everybody that we are available to help you figure out where you are and then figure out where you want to go. And we’re going to walk with you hand in hand and make sure you meet each step in between where you are and where you want to go. And so healing takes place when you’re able to be self-aware, when you’re able to navigate the steps, and when you’re able to walk freely without feeling that guilt or shame. That’s healing.
2. What’s giving you hope right now?
What’s giving me hope? To see my kids not have a mother that is sitting in the corner shaking somewhere. I’m able to speak freely, move around freely. I’m able to help others. I am at my peak. I feel really good. I’m always smiling, always loving, always willing to help. I’m in a much better mental space, emotional space. I laugh way more than I cry. That gives me hope. I was a mess. You’re talking about somebody who would sit in the house all day, peeping out the blinds, waiting for the next attack. You’re talking about somebody who would drink excess liquor just to be numb and not feel anything. You’re talking about someone who would do drills around the house waiting on the next attack. You’re talking about someone who would sit up and unload and reload and count bullets just to make sure I was prepared for whatever monster. I was loony completely, all because I didn’t know it was that bad and I didn’t know how to navigate that. And so once I was honest with myself and I could look in the mirror and say, “Amanda, this is bad. What next?” Yeah. But here we are today, girl.
3. What do you wish that people understood about domestic violence that they often don’t?
It does not stop. Unless you are honest about what it is, you have to call a thing a thing, label it, disassociate from it, get the healing and the resources and all the love and peace and joy that you need to not repeat that cycle. Domestic violence is a cycle for all of us. No matter where you’re at in it, it’s a cycle. So you really have to break free out of that. And so again, we advocate for healthy connections. I want you to be able to identify when a connection is not healthy. And then once you call a thing a thing, then you kind of figure out what’s next from there. But as long as you’re just not aware or don’t want to deal with it or just hoping for the best, it’s a cycle that doesn’t break unless you break it. You are in control of that. Not the abuser, you are in control of that.
4. What role do you think that friends, coworkers, neighbors, educators, other community members can play in preventing domestic violence?
Connections with one another. We all have to advocate and make sure their resources are discussed in certain settings on this issue. Domestic violence resulting in fatalities has continuously increased since COVID. So although so many people are affected by it, I truly don’t think enough people are talking about it. We have to discuss what’s really going on in homes in our state, and it doesn’t matter the demographic, domestic violence affects us all at some point in some way. And so when we’re able to talk about it and discuss it and bring awareness, that in itself can aid in prevention.
In addition to having a domestic violence counselor or someone who’s able to really discuss with you the different signs, plans of action, things of that nature, and offer you the resources that you need in order to ensure a safe transition. So I don’t just tell people to leave. I don’t just be like, “Girl, go. Just pack yourself, leave right now today.” I make sure that you have somewhere to go that is in a much better environment than what you’re trying to leave. I’m not going to ask or have anybody on the street. I’m not going to have anyone in temporary placement and then they just don’t know what next. There is always the next step that I will be right there with you.
5. What do you wish someone had told you about supporting someone while experiencing abuse?
I wish someone would’ve actually been honest about what abuse was instead of just, “Oh, that’s just how they are. Oh, that’s just how he is.” That’s not okay. So I’m growing up thinking certain things are okay or not bad because that’s just how they are. And that may be true, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that this is abuse.
Behaviors, the yelling, the manipulation, the gaslighting, it was all covered up with “that’s just how they are.” And that may be true, but that doesn’t excuse their behavior, and that doesn’t mean I have to deal with abuse because that’s just how they are. That results in me, I need to get away from them. If that’s how they are, they have no desire to change. I have no place here. I have no safe place here, so I have no place here. I do not go remain. Even if I go, I will not remain anywhere where I’m not emotionally safe and definitely where I’m not physically safe.
6. If you could leave our community with one message during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, what would it be?
There is help for you. Do not stay silent. Open your mouth, reach out. The Upper Echelon is here to support you in any way that we can. We love you and we are here for you.